Not being too attached to your role

Today I saw myself get angry whilst playing one of the roles I own, we play so many roles that it is natural to get attached to these but sometimes its worth taking a step back and reminding yourself that this is just a role and not actually something that needs to upset you or make you angry. If you can separate yourself then you can look at the situation with a rational mind.

Another thing I realised is how hard it is to deal with people who are so insecure/unsure/needy, these feelings get projected on to you and when your as absorbent as me, these can really affect you. This is something that on an every day basis I control but this is not necessarily the easiest thing to do when in the work place and that involves a whole new coping mechanism, something that I am still trying to put into place, I guess one way of thinking about it, is, this person is not the person they are acting like, I often pity this kind of oblivious/ignorant person but when what they are doing directly affects me, it is so hard to do this.

On reflection of this observation, there are a few things I need to note for the future and things you can also consider if you are ever in the same position:

  • This person is a soul and not the irritating person they are projecting
  • This is just a role I am playing and I can switch off from this role if I want
  • This person is not going to affect my peace of mind and I will stay calm instead of getting angry
  • I have a choice and I can choose to not let this person get to me
  • I am in this situation for a reason, I am here to learn and I must pay attention to these lessons so I can learn from them and move on (this one is really important)
  • Everyone who enters my life is a teacher and is here to teach me something
  • Each role will have a different challenge and my job is to face these challenges head on and find ways to deal with them



Playing many roles…

It’s funny, in the role I do at work, I need to be four people, the role is very varied and working for a small business (something I wanted) means you are doing way more than you should be but being four people is hard; its caused me a lot of stress and unease and at times it has made me feel like I can’t do it but what I recently realised is that is has also forced me to be more organised and not to do too much at once, once I made peace with the fact that its not that I am failing, its just I need to take a different strategy, I just felt so much better about it. The other thing I have realised is that in order be that many people, you really need to be in a good mental place, for this reason I have started to listen to motivational speeches that really help me to get in the right mind frame. I would love to share one and I hope it has the same affect on you as it has on me.

Oh and one more lesson I have learnt from this role is, I would much prefer to go back to working on growing one skill set than four. Enjoy….

Battling with yourself…

‘The biggest battle you will fight is not with others but with yourself.’ – Blue Brown Soul 

It was a thought that entered my mind earlier that made me realise this, sometimes I suffer from a lot of guilt, I feel guilty I haven’t done this or can’t do that but why do these things bother me so much? Its not because I am upset about disappointing others because I believe in reality the only person I am actually disappointing is myself, it has been some years since I stopped caring about what others thought and it was a very liberating realisation but what I need to work on now is not to care too much about what I think of myself. Ok that sounds wrong, of course I should care but I should also accept that I won’t always be perfect and things won’t always work out like I want and I won’t always be able to do everything but that’s ok. This really comes down to being too hard on myself, one of the things I said I would be working on this year. As long as I am honest with myself and I know I tried my upmost best, that should be enough. Same for those of you who are suffering from the same issue. At the end of the day, whats the point of fighting a battle with yourself?

Work in progress…

I am soooo grateful to have started this blog. I really love sharing my thoughts and feelings here. Definitely helps me to get out of my head!

Last Saturday I made a massive observation, I recognised I was feeling a tad down, it felt like it kind of came from nowhere although I suspect a very busy morning and two nights bad sleep, including waking up in the middle of the night with a stinking headache had something to do with it. Anyway you would have thought, having realised this, I would have re-thought about the plans I made and removed myself from a situation that I had already decided was going to be a little awkward right? Wrong! I threw myself in that situation in my low state and as a result felt even lower, despite knowing that ‘we shouldn’t take yesterdays difficulties and sadnesses into new days’, I did, I just couldn’t help it and the low mood continued but then, something amazing happened. I realised this lowness only started the day before and I had already identified what the cause was, so what reason was there to continue feeling low? Well there wasn’t any reason, so the lowness started to subside and by the Monday I felt stronger and healed.

What I am trying to say is, in the past, this feeling would have lasted days and all because I wouldn’t have recognised the route cause, by doing this early on, I had saved myself from moving deeper into the dark place I am trying so hard to avoid. I also realised that situation that upset me wouldn’t have even been a problem had a been in my previous positive mind set because it wasn’t the situation that made me upset but the general emotions I was feeling because of the lowness, its funny how personal weakness can change how you react to a situation isn’t it?

So what I am trying to say is, this is progress, I am work in progress and I shall keep progressing. Happy happy days!

Vision Board 2018

This is something my friends and I had discussed since last year and last week we finally sat down and created one! To be honest, I really couldn’t think of a better time!

The idea behind the vision board is that what you visualise, materialises. So its worth sitting down with a pair of scissors, a bunch of magazines and your dreams and make them come true by finding images, words and phrases that define what you want to achieve this year. Why not do it with some friends? Make it a fun creative session.


Follow your dreams…

When you have a dream you wish to follow, it is unlikely and unfair to expect others to see these dreams, you can request support to help you reach them but at the end of the day remember these are your dreams and no one else’s. On the flip side, don’t let others talk you out of what YOU want to achieve, people will question you, ask you if you are sure but you must trust your instincts and if you want to do something, only you can make this happen.

Anything and everything is possible! Just believe in yourself and your abilities!

The art of being mentally strong

‘Mental strength means that you regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances.’

I promised myself I would make self development a central part of my new year and what better time to start. As I know I can’t get through this journey on my own at this moment in time, I am ready to turn to as many resources I need for help hence the self help talk.

Whilst doing the daily chores I decided to put on a Ted Talk. This particular one was by a woman called Amy Morin who spoke about how to get mentally strong, such a interesting topic for me at the moment! I will share the video at the end for those of you who also want to get to this stronger place, what I realised after listening to it is that I spend too much time blaming others for how I am feeling…’he stressed me out’ ‘she upset me’ ‘her negativity affected me’ but actually there is no reason why any of these feelings need to stay with me, its just I allow them too.

I also realised there are various bad habits I have picked up over the years that I need to work on, this lead me to create a spider diagram of these, it was a little shameful to look at it if I have to be quite honest. The idea that we can be robbed of our mental strength by having unhealthy beliefs about ourself, others and the world is so true. For ourself, we allow our own choices to hold us back by feeling sorry for ourselves. For others we think we don’t have control and  we blame others for our feelings, we give away our power and freedom. For the world we forget that sometimes things aren’t fair and the world isn’t perfect, all these things make us weak.

Finally it was the question ‘what do mentally strong people not do’ that really got me thinking, what can I do to be like other mentally strong people? This I am still not answer.

Finally before I share the video, Amy shared a very interesting idea ‘envying your friends on Facebook leads to depression’