Can you have it all?

There are a few things I miss about my life in London. The fact my routine involved exercise was great, it meant I was exercising without having to schedule it in my daily routine. Another thing was the variety of things to do, this is a massive advantage of being in a big city, you can never get bored. Thirdly are friends and family, for me, friends and family are and always will be a massive support system in my life. They offer me strength, guidance and a lot of love. Having such easy access to all these things really contributed to my happiness.

Moving to Leicester has been a challenge, the things that came naturally to my life (like friends, family & freedom)  I have had to create myself and this has involved being organised, being motivated and forcing myself to look at myself in a deeper sense, thinking about what actually makes really happy and figuring out how to make this happen.

More than ever, having the time to think has allowed me to get to know myself better. It means I am forced to be more aware of my sadness and sad days which feel like they come more often (once again because I have time to be aware of them), it has forced me to be a lot more grateful (not having what you had always makes you grateful, its unfortunate that we don’t appreciate it in the first place), it has forced me to create my own routines (having to search for things that make me happy and ways to do things that make me happy)  and it has made me even more determined (to ensure I feel good as often as I can). I hadn’t realised this before moving (or maybe I did, I just wasn’t aware of it)  but I love to be free, I hate being held down by people or everyday routines, it makes me feel trapped, I am basically a free spirit and I need to feel free in order to feel happy. If I want to have it all, I have to make the effort to create it all. This involves making some big changes and decisions in my life but you’ll have to wait for the next post if you want to learn more about my changes.

What changes can you make in your life to ensure you have it all?

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Whats important?

Every now and then you really need to ask yourself whats important, I have a feeling I didn’t do this that long ago but as we all know things are constantly changing, so reflecting back on your list again and again is absolutely fine. So whats important to me at this very moment?

  • Friends – Friends have always been a massive form of love and support and will always be on the list.
  • Work  – If you asked me 6 months ago, it was my job but now its putting the wheels in motion to go it alone. This involves a bit of planning and that I am still figuring out.
  • Family – I am blessed to have family who like my friends, are supportive and always very much have my back.
  • Mental Health – This one I would say has come about more recently. Being a person who suffers from anxiety and very sad days, taking care of my mind has become even more important than taking care of my body because I can control my body weight but controlling the mind involves a completely different kind of strength.
  • Sleep – I have been a bad sleeper for many many years and this is really the centre of my focus for now. To get to a place where good sleep is a daily achievement.

Whats important to you?

Relationship Therapy

Sometimes you have to let go of relationships because they are not good for you, sometimes this happens organically, you drift and the relationship just fades away but other times, you have to mentally and spiritually let go, make a conscious effort to step away from the person in every possible way, although you know in time to come, you’ll be able to move on from it, I think the biggest and most important thing to do is make peace with it, making peace with something you don’t want to do is a challenge and takes a lot of strength, its testing and it involves a lot of faith and belief that that is the right thing to do. I also think you have to expect that this persons life will continue without you and once you are out of their life, they are free to do whatever they want.

Another scenario is when you try so hard to keep a relationship alive but its just keeps slipping away, I think this is the saddest kind of situation. In some ways part of the problem is you are holding onto something that might not even exist anymore, just like time passes by, so do relationships. I feel like the universe or something out there even makes an effort to separate yourself from this relationship (obviously for your own good, after all, the universe is always looking out for you) and all you can do is surrender and let it happen and I think the sooner you can accept this, the less painful it will be, you can’t control other people but you can control yourself, you also can’t tell others how to live their life but you can put yourself first and make a decision to not let things upset you or affect your happiness.

In life at various times, certain people will fit your life, you will be on the same path and your paths will always align but sometimes, you will go in different directions and thats ok too. Don’t expect that everyone will be around always and don’t get upset that people move on, haven’t you? When something happens in your life that causes a big change, there will be repercussions and its just learning how to manage these and this takes time, once again, patience very much comes in here.

The final thought is the beauty of new relationships, there are never any voids, someone else will fill the empty space and you need to make sure you allow that space to be filled (but be patient), don’t mourn what you have lost but be ready for whats about to come. Only you know whats best for you and only you know how you can bring new, wonderful things to your life.

A 6am start…

Everyday I wake up when my alarm goes off at 7:25, even though I am awake, I don’t actually get out of bed. Last night after a lengthy call with one of my best friends, I just couldn’t sleep, I read, meditated and had my glass of milk and finally fell asleep at around 1 but this morning, I was up at the crack of dawn, instead of doing the usual which involves listening to a motivational speech and jumping in the shower, I listened to a motivational speech, read my book (13 things mentally strong people don’t do by Amy Morin), did a live video based on my readings, meditated, found a few quotes to share on my social and then went for a shower and I have to say, all that positivity in the morning worked wonders, I have felt pretty on top of it all day and continue to feel great but the weird thing is, is that I probably got even less sleep then I am used to. So what was the miraculous solution? Well it was being in a good mental space first thing in morning, they say the first 2 hours of the day can dictate how well your day pans out and my first 2 hours was brilliant. They also say 10 minutes of meditation/mindfullness is the same as having 2 hours sleep and I have to say, that makes 100% sense and is a complete reflection of how I am feeling now. I guess its true what they say! But its crazy the things you have to do to stay in a good mental place but I also have to say, its sooooo worth it!

Not being too attached to your role

Today I saw myself get angry whilst playing one of the roles I own, we play so many roles that it is natural to get attached to these but sometimes its worth taking a step back and reminding yourself that this is just a role and not actually something that needs to upset you or make you angry. If you can separate yourself then you can look at the situation with a rational mind.

Another thing I realised is how hard it is to deal with people who are so insecure/unsure/needy, these feelings get projected on to you and when your as absorbent as me, these can really affect you. This is something that on an every day basis I control but this is not necessarily the easiest thing to do when in the work place and that involves a whole new coping mechanism, something that I am still trying to put into place, I guess one way of thinking about it, is, this person is not the person they are acting like, I often pity this kind of oblivious/ignorant person but when what they are doing directly affects me, it is so hard to do this.

On reflection of this observation, there are a few things I need to note for the future and things you can also consider if you are ever in the same position:

  • This person is a soul and not the irritating person they are projecting
  • This is just a role I am playing and I can switch off from this role if I want
  • This person is not going to affect my peace of mind and I will stay calm instead of getting angry
  • I have a choice and I can choose to not let this person get to me
  • I am in this situation for a reason, I am here to learn and I must pay attention to these lessons so I can learn from them and move on (this one is really important)
  • Everyone who enters my life is a teacher and is here to teach me something
  • Each role will have a different challenge and my job is to face these challenges head on and find ways to deal with them

 

Playing many roles…

It’s funny, in the role I do at work, I need to be four people, the role is very varied and working for a small business (something I wanted) means you are doing way more than you should be but being four people is hard; its caused me a lot of stress and unease and at times it has made me feel like I can’t do it but what I recently realised is that is has also forced me to be more organised and not to do too much at once, once I made peace with the fact that its not that I am failing, its just I need to take a different strategy, I just felt so much better about it. The other thing I have realised is that in order be that many people, you really need to be in a good mental place, for this reason I have started to listen to motivational speeches that really help me to get in the right mind frame. I would love to share one and I hope it has the same affect on you as it has on me.

Oh and one more lesson I have learnt from this role is, I would much prefer to go back to working on growing one skill set than four. Enjoy….

Battling with yourself…

‘The biggest battle you will fight is not with others but with yourself.’ – Blue Brown Soul 

It was a thought that entered my mind earlier that made me realise this, sometimes I suffer from a lot of guilt, I feel guilty I haven’t done this or can’t do that but why do these things bother me so much? Its not because I am upset about disappointing others because I believe in reality the only person I am actually disappointing is myself, it has been some years since I stopped caring about what others thought and it was a very liberating realisation but what I need to work on now is not to care too much about what I think of myself. Ok that sounds wrong, of course I should care but I should also accept that I won’t always be perfect and things won’t always work out like I want and I won’t always be able to do everything but that’s ok. This really comes down to being too hard on myself, one of the things I said I would be working on this year. As long as I am honest with myself and I know I tried my upmost best, that should be enough. Same for those of you who are suffering from the same issue. At the end of the day, whats the point of fighting a battle with yourself?